i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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