I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
