I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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