I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
