broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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