Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
