she woke up with a sticky ear
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
