i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
too bad you live with your parents still
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
