I am puke
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
