I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
