My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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