I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
