she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
