Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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