he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
