You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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