I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
