I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you will always have a special place in my vag
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
