She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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