i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
