But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
