Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
