So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
