My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
