the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
