There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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