My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
