Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
