Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
being pregnant is like rehab
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
