i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
