I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she looked like the before picture.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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