D3 body, D1 cock
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
