I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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