you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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