respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
