dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
