the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
