My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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