Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
