Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
