Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
