wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
