I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
