apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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