We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
