to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
