I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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