dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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