I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
