Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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