went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's a naked man in my car right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
